Positive Approaches to Bedtime Struggles

3 March 2025

If you're a parent, chances are you've battled the infamous bedtime struggles at least once (or, if we're being honest, a hundred times). It’s exhausting, frustrating, and often leaves everyone feeling cranky and defeated. The good news? It doesn’t have to be that way forever. By adopting positive approaches, you can minimize the nightly chaos and make bedtime peaceful and even enjoyable. Yes, I'm serious!

In this article, we’re going to dive into some practical, positive strategies to help your little ones settle down, feel secure, and actually look forward to bedtime. Sounds like a dream, right? Let’s make it a reality.

Why Are Bedtime Struggles So Common?

Before we jump into the solutions, let’s talk about why bedtime tends to be such a battleground. Understanding the root cause is half the battle.

1. Overstimulation: Often, kids go from a whirlwind of activity to a sudden demand for quiet. Their little minds and bodies need time to transition.

2. Separation Anxiety: For younger kids especially, the thought of being alone in the dark can be quite unsettling.

3. Inconsistent Routines: Children, believe it or not, thrive on routine. When bedtime is unpredictable, it’s like throwing their body clocks into chaos.

4. Power Struggles: Kids, just like adults, want control. When bedtime feels like something imposed on them, expect resistance.

5. Lack of Boundaries: If kids feel like they can push bedtime back five minutes...and then ten minutes... and then twenty, well, they will. Testing boundaries is in their DNA.

Understanding these factors should offer some insight into why your child resists bedtime, but also hint toward how to improve the situation.

Setting a Calm Tone for Bedtime

You’ve probably heard it a million times: “Create a calming bedtime environment.” But let’s break this down so it’s easy to implement, because vague advice doesn’t help anyone.

1. Create a Predictable Routine

Imagine trying to fall asleep right after watching an action-packed movie. Your heart would still be racing, right? Kids are no different. They need consistency and predictability to wind down.

Actionable Steps:
- Start a wind-down routine about 30-60 minutes before bedtime. This can include a bath or shower, brushing teeth, and reading a book.
- Keep activities calming. Think of a bedtime routine like a dimmer switch, gradually lowering the energy levels.
- Stick to a consistent bedtime. Kids’ bodies respond to regularity. A bedtime that fluctuates too much can throw off their natural rhythms.

2. Create a Relaxing Environment

Your child’s bedroom should scream, “Hey, it’s time to relax!” not “Keep playing!” That means making a few adjustments if necessary.

Actionable Steps:
- Dim the lights an hour before bed. Bright lights signal wakefulness to a child’s brain.
- Make the room cozy. Soft blankets, favorite stuffed animals, and even a nightlight if necessary can all contribute to a feeling of security.
- Remove electronics from the room. No TV, tablets, or smartphones. The blue light from screens can mess with your child’s ability to fall asleep.

3. Use Calming Techniques

If your child is bouncing off the walls come bedtime, they may need some assistance calming their body and mind.

Actionable Steps:
- Try simple deep breathing exercises. Ask them to take a deep breath in, hold it, and then slowly exhale. Repeat it a few times to help relax their body.
- You can also introduce gentle stretches. Not only will this help them relax physically, but it can become a fun and positive part of their bedtime routine.

Navigating Common Bedtime Struggles

Okay, so you've got the foundation down. You’re setting a calm tone, the lights are dimmed, and the routine is in full swing...but resistance still happens. Don’t worry, it’s normal—and fixable.

1. "Just Five More Minutes!" Syndrome

Let me guess: You’ve tucked your child into bed, kissed them goodnight, only to hear, “Can I have five more minutes? Just five more!” It’s like they’re trying every negotiation tactic under the sun.

Solution:
- Acknowledge that they want more time but stick to your routine. You can offer them a sense of control. For example, let them choose which book to read or which pajamas to wear, but bedtime itself is non-negotiable.
- Give a 10-minute warning before bedtime to help them mentally prepare. This makes the transition smoother.

2. One More Story… and Then Another!

The allure of “just one more book” is a common bedtime delay tactic, and it can go on until you’re halfway through their bookshelf.

Solution:
- Set a clear limit beforehand—maybe it's two books or 15 minutes of reading time. Stick to it, even if they beg for more.
- If your child loves stories, consider playing an audiobook after lights-out. This gives them the pleasure of hearing a story, but in a more calming, sleep-ready environment.

3. Fear of the Dark

It’s not uncommon for kids to develop fear of the dark, even at a young age. Their imaginations can run wild, turning shadows into monsters.

Solution:
- Nightlights are a simple fix. Opt for a soft, warm light rather than a harsh or bright light.
- Help them face their fear by making bedtime feel safe. Reassure them and show empathy. You could even create a “monster spray" (just water in a spray bottle) to “scare” away the monsters. It sounds silly, but it works because it gives them a sense of control.

Encouraging Positive Sleep Associations

Sleep associations play a huge role in how easily your child falls asleep and stays asleep. If a child associates bedtime with arguing, stalling, or frustration, then falling asleep is going to be an uphill battle.

1. Create Positive Reinforcement

Instead of focusing on what they did wrong at bedtime (“You kept getting out of bed!”), focus on what they did right.

Actionable Steps:
- Use a sticker chart to reward good bedtime behavior. After a week of successful bedtimes, reward them with a special treat or activity.
- Acknowledge progress. Even if your child only follows the routine some of the time, celebrate those moments and encourage repetition.

2. Use Bedtime as Bonding Time

Turn bedtime into a positive bonding experience, rather than something to dread.

Actionable Steps:
- Spend a few extra minutes talking about their day, their favorite part of the day, or what they’re looking forward to tomorrow.
- Make bedtime cuddles part of the ritual if your child enjoys physical affection. This connection helps them feel secure and ready for sleep.

Avoid Power Struggles at Bedtime

Power struggles escalate quickly. If bedtime becomes a constant battlefield over who’s "in control," no one is going to win. But you can avoid that.

1. Offer Choices

Kids want to feel in control over their lives. You can give them that sense of control without allowing them to dictate bedtime altogether.

Actionable Steps:
- Offer choices that are within your set limits. Example: “Would you like to wear your superhero pajamas or your dinosaur ones?”
- You can also give them a say in the bedtime story or which stuffed animal they want to sleep with. The act of choosing gives a child a sense of autonomy without altering the routine.

2. Stay Calm and Consistent

One of the biggest mistakes parents make during bedtime struggles is getting frustrated. Kids are incredibly perceptive. If they see that bedtime is causing you stress, they may use it to their advantage.

Actionable Steps:
- Stay calm, even if their behavior pushes your buttons. Consistency—delivered with a calm demeanor—is key.
- If your child gets out of bed, don’t engage in a long conversation or negotiation. Gently lead them back to bed and remind them it’s time for sleep. Repetition is powerful.

When to Seek Help

If bedtime struggles persist despite trying all the strategies and your child is consistently having trouble sleeping, it might be time to consult your pediatrician. Issues like sleep apnea, anxiety, or other sleep disorders may be contributing to their struggles. Seeking help doesn’t mean you’ve failed; it just means you’re making sure all bases are covered.

Wrapping It Up

Bedtime doesn’t have to be a battle. By implementing positive approaches—such as setting a routine, offering choices, and reinforcing good habits—you can transform bedtime from a struggle into a peaceful, even enjoyable part of the day. Consistency is your best friend in this journey, but remember, be patient. Change won’t happen overnight, but with time, you’ll see progress. And trust me, those blissful, quiet evenings when your child falls asleep with ease will make it all worthwhile.